Brokeback Mount Doom
by Inmn Neruin
Zine #55—July 2026
Brokeback Mount Doom was originally written and performed for the stage for Shakesqueer Theater’s Ten Minute Movies (2026) and reimagines The Lords of the Rings and Brokeback Mountain mashed together in glorious harmony. Whenever there is a tender or sad moment, imagine “Wings” from the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack playing or that at the end, Frodo plays the Shire theme on a flute. The set and props are entirely painted cardboard. Shakesqueer earnestly hopes you adapt and perform Brokeback Mount Doom for your community who laughs, cries, and loves as you venture into the heart of the mountain. Challenge them to kiss someone every time someone says “Brokeback Mount Doom.”
Find a video of the performance on Youtube by searching “Ten Minute Movies: Brokeback Mountdoom.”
Listen to a radio play version of Brokeback Mount Doom on the Strangers in a Tangled Wilderness podcast below or wherever you podcasts.
Shadow of the Past
The Shire, midday.
Gandalf enters half dragging Frodo. Sam enters unseen and hides behind a bush. The Eye looms in the sky.
Gandalf Come Frodo, it’s time for your birthday gift.
The world is changed. I feel it in the earth. It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the elves, seven to the dwarf Lords, and nine rings were gifted to men, who above all else desire power.
But they were all of them deceived, for in the fires of Brokeback Mount Doom, the dark lord forged the one ring. And into this ring he poured not only his will but an ungovernable strangeness that tempts all who come near to it.
Many resisted the ring and on the slopes of Brokeback Mount Doom they fought, and defeated, the dark lord. But the temptation of the ring could not be undone, for men are weak. I led Isildur into the heart of Brokeback Mount Doom, the one place the ring could be destroyed but wasn’t. For, Isildur kept it.
And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. The ring passed out of all knowledge, until it came to the creature Gollum, the creature your uncle Bilbo totally stole the ring from. And now, with Bilbo’s passing, the ring comes to you. And you, Frodo, must go to Brokeback Mount Doom and destroy the ring, lest it bring ruin and temptation back to the hearts of men.
Gandalf takes an envelope out of his pocket and holds it out to Frodo.
Frodo But why wouldn’t Bilbo destroy it?
Gandalf Your uncle said that it made him feel precious. But the dark lord has returned and set his sight on the Shire. Do you want him to come here?
Gandalf points to the quivering Eye.
Frodo Of course not! But Gandlaf, can’t we take it to the king?
Gandalf Fuck kings, Frodo! He doesn’t care about you. Do you want to see the Shire burn?
Frodo No!
Gandalf Then grow a pair. And get thee to Brokeback Mount Doom.
Gandalf throws the envelope at Frodo who fumbles with it before removing the ring.
Frodo Perhaps I can take it to Mordor, but must I go alone?
Gandalf Alone you must go, for the ring will tempt the hearts of all those around you.
Frodo But you’re strong, Gandalf. You could take it and withstand it, I bet.
Gandalf becomes agitated and shakes Frodo as he talks.
Gandalf Don’t tempt me Frodo! For then in the place of a Dark Lord, you would have a dark grey queen, not cruel but beautiful and terrible as the dawn!
Gandalf throws Frodo to the ground as he recovers from agitation. Sam springs from the bushes to help Frodo up.
Sam Well he might be going alone, but I’m coming with him!
Gandalf Confound it all, Sam!
Rosie enters polishing a beer mug.
Frodo What about Rosie, Sam? You were only just married.
Sam She’ll understand. It’s important work, it is.
Rosie furrows her brow in disagreement.
Gandalf Fine. But make sure that when you rest at night that you do so well apart, for the ring does strange things to fools’ hearts. And do not put the ring on, for it will make things that once seemed strange not out of place, and who knows what could happen when in that state!
Sam raises his hand to ask a question, but Gandalf smacks Sam’s hand with his pipe.
Gandalf No more questions! Fly you fools to the heart of Brokeback Mount Doom!
Sam and Frodo clasp hands and set out walking towards the Eye, which retreats as the approach.
Lights down.
The Ring Tempts Frodo
Along the road, midnight. The Eye looms in the sky.
Two ringwraiths enter and lie in wait as Sam and Frodo enter. Sam wields a frying pan. The ringwraiths descend on the hobbits, separating Sam and Frodo. One of the wraiths stabs Frodo. Sam fights his way to Frodo, bludgeoning the wraiths away. Sam and Frodo exit hurriedly. The ringwraiths exit opposite.
Sam and Frodo re-emerge, out of breath.
Sam I sure don’t like the look of those riders we saw earlier, Mr. Frodo. They were a menace, they were.
Frodo They called to me as we ran. “Put it on! Join us!” they cried.
Frodo trembles and inches the ring towards his finger. Sam puts a hand over Frodo’s finger, and Frodo calms down.
Frodo Don’t let it trouble you, Sam.
Sam Don’t let it trouble me! They stuck your arm full of wicked steel, they did!
Now you just lie and get some rest.
Sam sets up a tent and sits Frodo in it. Sam then goes to sit against a rock nearby.
Frodo You’ll freeze out there, Sam!
Sam But we must do as Gandalf said! The Eye ain’t finding us on my watch, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo But Sam…
Frodo settles into the tent. Sam shivers outside.
Frodo Oh no, the Eye is upon me. I feel it piercing my flesh. And why shouldn’t I put it on? It did come to me.
Frodo trembles and shoves the ring on his finger.
Frodo I have never felt so precious.
Sam shivers intensely as the wind howls.
Frodo Sam! Quit your yammering and get in here!
Sam reluctantly climbs into the tent and looks down to the ring on Frodo’s finger.
Sam Mr. Frodo! Have you abandoned reason for madness?
Frodo Madness? Is it madness to feel this precious?
Sam Get it off!
Sam grabs Frodo’s hand and they wrestle for a moment.
Sam Oh stars, now it’s tempting me!
Sam and Frodo wrestle tensely before freezing, looking into each others’ eyes, and kissing. They both fall to the ground in a passionate flurry before settling and falling asleep.
Gollum enters unseen.
Gollum Finally, I’ve found my precious!
Lights down.
Riddles in the Dark
The Encircling Mountains, midday. The Eye looms in the sky.
Sam and Frodo enter, holding hands. The mountains shift around them, the sun and moon rising and falling as they walk.
Sam We’re going in circles, we are! I don’t think Gandalf meant for us to come this way.
Frodo Gandalf didn’t mean for a lot of things to happen, Sam.
Sam We’ve got to escape this maze of loneliness and madness.
Frodo Is it so bad, Sam? We’ve got each other.
Sam But by rights, we shouldn’t even be here.
Frodo But we are. Would it be so bad for us to linger?
This is a real one-shot thing we got going on here, Sam.
When the ring is gone, what will become of us? At least here, what happens here, this is nobody’s business but our own.
Frodo embraces Sam. Gollum enters unseen and hides. Sam lingers in Frodo’s arms for a moment before breaking away.
Sam It’s only a passing thing, this shadow.
Frodo But those who have seen the shadow, can they ever really go back, Sam?
Sam I suppose, if they had something they were holding on to.
Frodo And what are we holding on to, Sam?
Gollum springs out of hiding.
Gollum Stupid hobbits do not see what lies ahead, when sun has faded and moon is dead.
We might know the way you seek, not like stupid hobbit, sad and weak!
Frodo You’re Gollum aren’t you? You, too, once carried the ring?
Gollum I did, for two hundred years. Deep underground it drove us, where we soon forgot the taste of bread and the sound of trees. It was all we were, all we could see and feel, till a stupid hobbit stole our preciousness from us.
Sam (to Frodo) I don’t like the look of this stinker, but perhaps he could lead us out of this place?
Frodo Would you like to serve the precious again?
Gollum I could! We swear to serve the master of the precious!
Frodo And the precious will hold you to that promise.
Sam reaches out for Frodo’s hand, but Gollum grabs it first and pulls Frodo ahead. Sam sighs and follows. The trio walk through the shifting mountains as the sun and moon rise and fall. Gollum twirls Frodo as if dancing, but Frodo stumbles and falls, gasping. Sam rushes to help Frodo, but Gollum jumps in his way and gets to Frodo first. Sam sits down separately and takes a potato out of his pocket, which he starts to eat.
Gollum Is master okay? I know the weight you hold. Stupid hobbit will never understand.
Frodo But Sam is sweet.
Gollum Yet a day will come when he will grow jealous and he will try to take your preciousness from you.
Sam approaches Frodo and Gollum.
Sam What are you sneaking about?
Gollum Stupid hobbit is always so nice to us. But now Gollum will be good to masters. We will go fetch us a real treat, not like stupid taters.
Gollum skulks away to the stream.
Sam We’ve got to get rid of this stinker. He’s leading us in circles.
Frodo Why do you do that, call him names and run him down?
Sam He’s a villain, right?
Gollum snatches a fish out of the stream.
Gollum (singing) Rock and pool is nice and cool, so juicy sweet!
Frodo You have no idea what the ring did to him. What it’s still doing to him.
Gollum (singing) Our only wish, to catch a fish, so juicy sweet!
Sam I care about what the ring is doing to you!
Frodo And will you hate me so much, when I become like him?
Sam rests a comforting hand on Frodo’s shoulder.
Sam You won’t, sir. You won’t. But if it’s weighing on you, maybe I could help carry it for a while to share the load?
Frodo Get away, Sam!
Frodo recoils from Sam as Gollum rushes back to the hobbits with a fish.
Gollum See! See! He wants it for himself.
Sam Shut up! I only want to help, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo You can’t help me anymore, Sam. Why don’t you just let me be!
Sam I wish…I wish I knew how to quit you, Mr. Frodo, especially when you get like this. But I can’t.
Frodo Go home, Sam.
Sam reaches out to comfort Frodo who recoils and turns away from Sam. Gollum chuckles silently as Sam exits.
Gollum Look at tasty fish that I got us, master. Stupid hobbit would ruin it over the fire. I like mine raw and wriggling!
Lights down.
The Choices of Master Samwise
The stage is set for two scenes: the Shire at midday is on one side and the Encircling Mountains on the other. The Eye looms in the sky.
Rosie cradles a baby in the Shire. Sam enters, wiping a tear from his eye.
Rosie Sam! Got rid of that nasty ring, I bet.
Rosie hands the baby to Sam, who looks amazed.
Sam We did, Rosie. We saved the Shire and all of that.
Rosie Where’s Mr. Frodo? Did y’all have a falling out?
Sam We had a disagreement over fish.
Rosie Well I’m sure you two will fix it. You always do.
Sam Aye, and if you can’t fix it, you gotta stand it. But for how long?
Sam and Rosie exit. Frodo and Gollum enter the encircling mountains, dancing. Gollum spins Frodo who stumbles and tries to catch his breath.
Gollum Is master alright?
Frodo I feel the gaze of the Eye upon me ever more fiercely. Perhaps Sam was right, that we should finally be rid of it.
Gollum It is a heavy burden. Stupid hobbit couldn’t know. But we know. We will lead you where you seek!
Frodo lays his head in his hands and closes his eyes, falling asleep. Gollum wanders off.
Gollum Be rid of it? More like destroy it! But master said that we would always serve the precious. How can we serve the precious if the precious is destroyed? Master broke his promise? Betrayed us! We ought to kill master! Then, we would be master of the precious? Yes.
Gollum shakes Frodo awake.
Gollum This way, master.
Gollum and Frodo exit. Sam enters the Shire, packing a bag. Gandalf and Rosie with her baby follow closely behind Sam. The Eye still looms overhead.
Gandalf Why on earth would you want to go back out to Brokeback Mount Doom?
Sam Just to check on things, if you will.
Rosie You’ve got responsibilities here now, Sam. Don’t you think you spent enough time out there with Mr. Frodo?
Sam I’ve just got to clear my head. Maybe Mr. Frodo and I could go fishing again. We caught some good trout out near the cracks of doom.
Gandalf You know I’m a wizard, Sam. And that I can see many things, without seeing.
And I know what you two got up to on the slopes of Brokeback Mount Doom, and boy did you two find a way to pass the time.
Sam You saw…
Gandalf Everything, Sam.
Rosie I did always wonder why it took you so long to destroy such a tiny thing.
Gandalf They didn’t destroy it! They just fucked around for a year!
Sam I should never have left Frodo. You don’t know shit, Gandalf!
Sam kicks Gandalf and runs off, exiting.
Lights down.
The Ring Destroyed
Brokeback Mount Doom, evening. The Eye looms in the sky.
Gollum enters followed by Frodo, who is struggling.
Gollum This way master!
Frodo I wish the ring had never come to me.
Gollum So do all who live to see such things, but it will be over soon.
Gollum points Frodo ahead. As Frodo passes, Gollum picks up a large rock.
Frodo I don’t see the crack of doom, Gollum.
Frodo turns to see Gollum standing over him with a rock.
Frodo Gollum, what are you doing? You swore to serve the precious!
Gollum We lied! We could have had a good life together, a real good life. We could have had a place of our own, a cave somewhere deep, plenty of fish, some good mud! But you didn’t want that. Now master is lost and can never go home and he will weep to be so alone!
As Gollum raises the rock to crush Frodo, Sam enters wielding a frying pan.
Sam He may be alone, but he’s got me!
Sam bludgeons Gollum with his frying pan. Gollum screeches, exiting. Sam rushes to help Frodo up.
Frodo Sam! I’m too weak to carry on.
Sam I may not be able to carry the ring for you, Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you!
Sam slings Frodo across his back. The two stumble along before Frodo slips. Sam catches Frodo, readjusts, and cradles Frodo in his arms.
Sam Do you remember the Shire Mr. Frodo? It’ll be Spring soon and they’ll be eating strawberries and cream. Do you remember strawberries?
Frodo No, Sam. I can’t recall the taste of food at all, nor the sound of water.
I’m naked in the dark before the lidless eye.
Sam But do you remember when you asked me what I was holding on for?
Frodo I do. I think I was holding out for a dream of us together, hidden away on Brokeback Mount Doom, a place where no good thing can thrive. And after I pushed you away, there were nights where I missed you so much I could hardly stand it.
Sam Well if you can’t stand it, you have got to fix it.
Frodo But for how long?
Sam For as long as we can ride it. There ain’t no reins on this one, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo Those words come easy now. But how can we ever have a happy ending, when we’re sitting here at the end of all things?
Sam I imagine that’s what all who are faced with such times say. But that’s the way of tales sometimes, ain’t it—real tales at least—the tales that really matter, where those in them don’t know what they were wandering into, just that they have to keep going—and not all to a good end, mind you; at least not what folk would call a good end where they come home and find things all well and that nothing has changed. I don’t think that’s the kind of story we’re in, Mr. Frodo, because I’ve changed and I’m not sure I want to go back straight to how things were, at least not exactly. And as for us, I can’t say how we’ll end, just like the people in those tales don’t know whether they’ll get a happy ending or a sad ending. There are no promises. And that’s why those tales matter because they’re real, like how we’re real!
Sam kisses Frodo
Frodo Oh Sam! Let’s be rid of this thing!
Sam and Frodo rise and limp off together, exiting. The lights dim and a red glow appears at the edge of the stage, shining upwards, the crack of doom. Sam and Frodo re-enter and limp towards the crack of doom.
Sam Are you ready, Mr. Frodo?
Frodo I am Sam.
Frodo struggles to raise the ring.
Frodo Sam, I can’t do this alone.
Frodo places Sam’s hand on his.
Sam Do you mean it?
Frodo I do, Sam.
Frodo leans in and kisses Sam. Gollum enters.
Gollum Filthy hobbits! We want our precious!
Gollum jumps on Frodo. They all wrestle with the ring for a moment. Sam and Frodo let go of the ring. Gollum falls into the red glow, clutching the ring. The Eye falls to the ground and the red glow dies.
Sam Let’s get you home, Mr. Frodo.
Lights down.
The Breaking of the Fellowship
The Shire, midday.
Rosie cradles her baby while Gandalf smokes his pipe. Sam and Frodo enter arm-in-arm. Sam exchanges a smile and a wave with Rosie before exiting.
Rosie Tell me again why the eagles couldn’t have taken the ring?
Gandalf Oh, it simply wasn’t possible. They said no.
Gandalf and Rosie exit. Frodo enters alone and places a shirt and a letter on the ground before stepping side stage and out of the room. Sam enters alone and picks up the shirt and letter.
Sam What’s this letter from my Mr. Frodo? He said he’d just gone out for the day.
Sam opens the letter and reads it.
Frodo Sam, we may have set out to save the Shire, and we did, but not for me. These last few months with you have been more than I could ever hope for, but it can’t be like this always. There are some things time just can’t mend. I know you could never leave the Shire.But I can’t always be torn in two and the Shire just doesn’t fit me anymore. I need something more, something bigger. I’ve got to be one and whole now, at least for a while, but thank you for showing me that we can have more than Brokeback Mount Doom. Keep our tale going. People need to hear of Samwise the Brave. I wouldn’t have gotten very far without him. This might not be the ending we hoped for, but it was happier than I could have ever imagined.
Sam touches the shirt to his face and begins to cry.
Lights down.
THE END
About the Author
Inmn Neruin (they/them) is a nonbinary game writer, playwright, and forever GM. They make knives under Shadowtail Artificery and perform with Shakesqueer Theater. They are one of the co-creators of Penumbra City as well as a host of both the Live Like the World is Dying and the Strangers in a Tangled Wilderness podcasts.